The Word on Fen Street
Local News & Gossip
St Edmund is the real patron saint of England..!?!

UNCLE CLUNCH IS THIS DAY RE-BORN..!
IT IS A MIRACLE..!
CONSERVATION IS THE NEW BUZZ..!
...or was it murder...!
CLUNCH PARSONs IS DEAD..!
Poor ol'Clunch caught "Foot in Mouth" and has had to be "put down"..!
Mourn his departure by
Shooting Sheep..!
Thank you to all those who showed an interest..!
Ely - The home of the Pagan Front..!

Saturday Noon saw the Vernal Equinox Celebration held in "Pagans Park", formerly known as "Pocket Park", by the Ely Order of Druids led by High Priest "Straith Crow"

The event was well attended by around 40 Spiritualists. The rain stayed away and an enlightening time was had by all..!

See more..?
BIG "CORRIE" STARS JOIN THE ELY PEDESTRIANISATION DEBACLE..!
HYPOCRISY..?

The "ECO-WARRIOR" Fights AGAINST PEDESTRIANISATION..!?!

CORONATiON Street character Ken Barlow has apparently been called On to help save Ely High Street from pedestrianisation. A heartfelt plea to Ken from Conic eco-warrior Spider Nugent is on display in the window of Burrows newsagents.

Eagle-eyed shoppers will have notice a string of correspondence between Spider and his Aunty Emily in various shops over the last few months. In the letter in Burrows, Spider pleads with Aunty Emily to bring Ken Barlow, Fred Elliott and even some sandwiches to help in the fight.

Spider, who is busy travelling the world, seems to have taken it upon himself to help the traders in their battle against pedestrianisation, In the latest correspondence, dated February 2001, Spider admits he is feeling tired and hungry. "1 have been campaigning for the shopkeepers of Ely for six long months, but to no avail" he writes.

Spider also referred in his letter to the overwhelming response of the Chamber of Trade survey in which more than 3,300 people said they were against pedestrianisation.


Below are the results of the Ely Chamber Of Trade Public Survey. This survey was carried out from the 1st Feb 2001 until 27th Feb 2001. The survey forms were distributed to 62 local shops and businesses for customers to express their views. The results here are being published by local business man Barry Elsden and The Ely chamber of Trade.

Pedestrianisation of Ely High Street
For: 452 - Against: 3,500

Bring back more on-street short stay car parking in all streets
For: 3,446 - Against: 408

Make better use of existing city centre car parks
For: 3,827 - Against: 21

Allow short stay parking on Market Square (M,T,W,F,Su)
For: 3,255 - Against: 612

Many Thanks, Steve Miller

So there it is. Conclusive PROOF that Ely Residents prefer to Drive through Town then Walk through it..!

Yet it is announced today that the Pedestrian Scheme will continue for at least 3 more Months..!


Hi, All, the ELY FORUM is due to be re-launched soon. All welcome to attend - and you can contribute to discussions about the City,(and the district too, Brian, as far as I'm aware.) The date is Monday 26th March at 7.30 pm at the Morbey Hall, Kings School, (off Barton Rd.)Ely. All the Best, Terry Overall.

EU grant for internet training A NETWORK of 22 internet centres will be set-up across East Cambridgeshire, thanks to a grant of more than ?1 million from the European Union. The internet training centres will be set-up in village halls, schools, community meeting rooms and leisure centres throughout the district. Free access to computers and internet training courses in computer skills will be on offer. The EU grant has come just weeks after the National Lottery gave a grant of ?100,000 towards the project. East Cambs On-Line is the first learning centre scheme to be set-up in a rural area within the eastern region. The aim of the new scheme is to provide adults with basic IT skills through on-line Web access. Councillor Hazel Williams, chairman of East Cambridgeshire District Council's strategic development committee, said: "Employers complain of a shortage of computer-literate staff in East Cambs, while at the same time there are many people who want to upgrade their computer skills in order to find a better job."

People are lazy these days, they'd rather park up and nip in to a shop then drive off in as little time as possible..!

Any chance of getting this carved into the desks of every council members.?

Like it or not, this is how many people - and not just disabled ones - like to shop.
It is up to councillors to ensure that there is adequate short-term, medium term and long term parking within the towns for which they are responsible if they want to encourage shoppers to visit those towns.

Shops like the one up Lynn Road need "pop in" parking provision right by the shop to catch passing motorist who would otherwise drive on to the next shop or garage.

There is a classic case of good practice in Sutton; some years ago, the shop on the old market place in the High Street had its parking turned through 90 degrees so that cars now no longer park parallel to the kerb, they park "end on". This tripled the parking capacity there and got people who come to that part of the village into the habit of knowing that parking was likely to be available there.

In fact, it's become so popular as a shop that I wonder the council don't do the same on the opposite side of the High Street now. It's certainly wide enough there. Looking for a similar opportunity in Ely?

How about that ludicrous little taxi bay outside Cheffins? Unless that's already been messed about, it's an ideal spot for some end on "thirty minute" car parking.

Mind you, I still think a Saturday Park 'n Ride would be viable in Ely, especially during the tourist season. I suggest making a deal with Railtrack for a terminus/car park just south of Ely station on the town side (where the track utility vehicle now rest up between jobs), then run a shuttle bus on a circular route stopping at the Market Place (south side), then the Market Street bus stops, and then to the green near Kings School and the front entrance of the Cathedral. Thence back down the hill to the station.
Brian.

Brian, perhaps you think we should let people drive into the cathedral as well? This type of behaviour is on the way out everywhere else but Ely it seems. Steve G.

A bus circle route through the shopping area at 1 hr. intervals,sounds like a great idea,Brian. B.E.Ely,

ely is a small market town with loads of good quality free parking close to everything. it defeats me why people are so lazy they can't be bothered to walk short distances, nothing is that far away in ely. money could be spend much better, by directing tourists to more relevant parking areas such as the car park behind silver street which is nearer the touristy things and encouraging shopping traffic to use other car parks nearer to shopping areas. if you want to discourage people bringing cars into ely try addressing better long distance public transport rather than short distance fixes. Eleanor.

Couldn't agree more with you Eleanor! Andrew.

The NEW's is the same boring old stuff in Ely so we ask the intriguing question...
View the EASTENDERS WebCam - LiVE..!
WHO SHOT
PHIL MITCHELL?

Register your accusation here
whodunit@ely.org.uk

WELL NOBODY GOT THE ANSWER WHICH WAS "LiSA" OFCOURSE..!

Still, it was fun while it lasted...

i think that mark dunit!!, if you thinmk about it, lisa would have been to upset to even think about it and deep down she still loves him, mel was in the taxi, steve wouldnt want to face anothe murder charge in court after saskia! billy hasnt got the brains and dan wants the pub and if he killed phil then it would all go back to peggy, so that only leaves Mark and he aslo nearly killed nick cotton ( bit of a bugger that he didnt, i think dot should have given him the overdose as well as ethel ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i hope i'm right, email me back if you want. regards,
Adam Tilbrook tilbrooks@hotmail.com


I think it was Clunch Parsons. It's easy to spot that phil's mockney accent was there to cover up his deep fenland twang, inherited from his father - yes - clunch parsons. Clunch, eager to be dissociated from this east end bad boy son shot him with a loaded leek, leaving the tell tale wound with onion smell. They'll find him in the end, you only have to look at the hair to make the connection.
corryvreckan@btinternet.com

 


Hw did Red Nse Day G..? ViSiT http://www.bbc.c.uk/rednseday/
Typically, it was wet for Thursday's 1st Ely Market but it was fine for the 2nd & 3rd Thursday Market. This year we are keeping a record of WET Thursday Market Day's to see if maybe we need to consider holding the Thursday Market on a Wednesday..!

So far it is WET 4 - DRY 7
AND THE ROW RUMBLES ON...& ON..
> Ely is a small market town with loads of good quality free parking close to everything.

Oh really? I suppose it all depends what you mean by "close".

it defeats me why people are so lazy they can't be bothered to walk short distances, nothing is that far away in Ely.

It's all very admirable advocating that more people *ought* to get on their feet and walk more but the reality is that, in an age where people are used to personal transport and one-stop shopping and like the convenience of both, they don't share your opinion.

The problem in Ely is one of competition for trade. Visitors, and especially shoppers, are better catered for (in their perception) in other places.

Frankly, I'd prefer it if the world was as you seem to think it is, but it isn't.

Though the ozone layer is in tatters, the icecaps are melting and the matter of Ely's accessibility by road now might be academic within a generation *still* the environmental argument has not been won with most people.

They simply don't see that it applies to them. If you doubt it, consider the fuel price row last year. The environmental argument was dismissed out of hand.

> money could be spend much better, by directing tourists to more relevant parking areas such as the car park behind silver street which is nearer the touristy things and encouraging shopping traffic to use other car parks nearer to shopping areas.

I agree that should be done, but as well, rather than instead.

> if you want to discourage people bringing cars into Ely try addressing better long distance public transport rather than short distance fixes.

In what way? Rail and bus communication is good and there seem to be plenty
of coach trips into Ely, especially during "the season".

I don't see that as the issue; it's how the City caters to those local people who might be persuaded to use it more as a centre of commerce if it better met their expectations of convenience.
--
Brian

The Barton road carpark (behind Silver Street) is full of cars most of the time - so why not direct the tourists to the 200+ spaces down Creswells Lane (off Lisle Lane) ? Dave

>>> sounds bloody ridiculous.

ely is a small market town with loads of good quality free parking close to everything. it defeats me why people are so lazy they can't be bothered to walk short distances, nothing is that far away in ely. money could be spend much better, by directing tourists to more relevant parking areas such as the car park behind silver street which is nearer the touristy things and encouraging shopping traffic to use other car parks nearer to shopping areas. if you want to discourage people bringing cars into ely try addressing better long distance public transport rather than short distance fixes. Eleanor

> When I walked round the centre of Ely on Saturday I noticed a lot of recent vandalism. Broken glass from windows and graffiti on doors were the main items. I know these things happen more frequently at weekends, but what's going on is worse than usual. Can't the council / police keep an eye on this - it's looking in a bad way. Anyone else been noticing anything ?

yup.

the phone box opposite where the Tink used to be has had all it's windows smashed, and as I took a cut through the Estate between there and the cemetary I saw a young lad chucking stones at a house.

One brief glance across generated the threat that I was going to get
stabbed. Charming, I thought, especially from an 8 year old!

The graffiti thing is pretty bad at the minute, but why can't someone sort out those bike stands opposite Waitrose? Jeez, they've ben like that for ages.

Mr Angry - Tonbridge Wells - (a Daily Mail reader)

If as Brian claims, he would pefer a world where people's attitudes are
different then perhaps he should stop suggesting we encourage them. If the
council(s) ever considered making charges for the parking in close
proximity to town (ie high street/st mary's street) I'm sure most would
walk the additional 200m rather than cough up the 50p for the space.

I stick by my previous point, Ely is small, and if people can't walk the
500 yards from car to cathedral or newsagents perhaps a mobility scheme
could provide them with the hire of wheelchairs. Ely is in a rare position
amongst most cities, the parking is free (which I think is one of the best
points), on the whole plentiful, and close to ammenities, one which I don't
think most people apreciate.

doubtless to say I am one of the evil minority who would welcome
pedestrianisation............

2 Park or not to Park that is the question?

OK 2 very radical solutions, the first I stand by and have done for a long
time the 2nd, well tongue in cheek.

1. I have long agreed with others that the solution to parking is a
suitable vast parking plot to satisfy all the drivers who come from either
Inverness or Downham Road. Turn the Paradise Field into a multi story
(going under as well) and with what land is left enhance facilities for
sport halls etc and 'yoof' activities. Pedestrianise through Newnham
Street, market Street and the High Street with delivery and collection
access before 9 am and after 4 p.m.. Close the roads again after 7 p.m. to
stop the 'yoof' rally scene commencing. Pedestrianisers are happy and
drivers too.

2. Where do all these cars that park currently come from - well count the
Skodas (not the modern range) its the over 65s they just cant keep out of
the centre and visit (parking) daily for no other purpose than to clutter
the streets. What about a closed period for under 65 shopping for those in
full time employment who have no choice but be in town on Saturdays!

Reclaim the Streets - banish the old just for one day at least!

Regards from the motorist paradise - London's inner Streets!
]
Paul

I would like to agree with Andrew Pearson's comments regarding the High Street pedestrianisation scheme - of course the survey cannot be taken at face value, and of course it shows a heavy bias towards the shop-keepers -if leading questions are asked, then impartial answers are not going to be given, especially by visitors, whom as Andrew pointed out will be sympathetic to the shop-keepers if they only hear one side of the arguement.

I just cannot believe that credance is actually given to the 'fact' that business is to be 'lost', by closing the road for 2 days a week. If business 'is' being lost by shops in Ely, then it cannot be because of pedestrianisation, but the wider issue of Ely becoming a 'dead town' - for example, I go into ely to Tescos and Boots, but for anything else I go to Cambridge or Peterborough where I can make choices about what I buy - I am not alone, as many of my friends do the same.
The shop-keepers along High Street are using the Pedetrianisation scheme as a scapegoat for any loss of business they may be experiencing. Basically, and this has been said umpteen times before, by umpteen people, is that what Ely needs is for bigger-name shops to come to Ely, and once this happens more people will shop here and not take the time nor trouble to travel to Cambridge or Peterborough for every shopping trip, thus creating a more positive and thriving shopping town - at the moment Ely is stuck in the Dark Ages, both in marketing itself and its attitude to change.

The town does not have to lose its 'quaintness', but at the present rate it is going to become a 'dead town', whereby tourists visit the Cathedral and river only, and no-one bothers to go 'into town', as there isn't much worth going into town for.

Apparently, when they determined what year it was they decided to go from 1BC to 1AD the NEW MiLLENNiUM ACTUALLY STARTED this year...so
HAPPY NEW MiLLENNiUM..!

The year of the Ssssnake..!

SPRiNG COMES TO ELY, EARLY..!
See the Editors Page for more details..!

ELY IS FAST BECOMING THE MEDIA CITY OF THE UK..!

As we all by now know, Ely is the subject of a "TimeTeam Special" to be screened around Easter (see below for latest), and CROMWELL The Movie has been ReReleased (more info @ www.cromwell.uk.co ). Also, a Film Crew is working on a movie about the Local Legend of a Southery man who helped King Charles escape the aforementioned Oliver Cromwell with the deception of a "split goose feather" nudge-nudge-wink-wink, but the ultimate news has to be that FOUR of the best-known faces on TV visited Ely last week to film for their BBC show. Jake, Fizz, Milo and Bella - better known as the Tweenies - popped into the cathedral and the King's School to film two new programmes...!

ALSO, Rumour has it that a BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE is being planned whereby, Vinnie Jones plays the part of a regular "hard" Fen-man that stalks the Fens looking for the Cougar as the mist rises from the swamp. Once he has found the beast they terrorise the local hostelries and are banned from Bar Zest. Vin then buys a gun from '12 Bore U Like.com' and blows away the Council. The Ely Standard headline reads, 'Donald Adey Says Yes To Luminous Bike Clips'.


The Sequel: Vinnie un-earths Ye Olde Plastic Bowle Shoppe and discovers the legend of the ummm... plastique bowle. Tis a curse put upon olde Elyee towne by Sir Charlotte of Caine who wants to save her workers' gas and water bills by letting them have a free shower at our expense. Gadzooks to 'em all.

HIGH BARNS ROCKED BY EARTHQUAKE..!
Residents of High Barns were shocked last Thursday after the Estate experienced what seemed like an Earthquake, come Volcano..! Smoke poured from the ground accompanied by rumbles and small explosions..! Terrified Mothers grabbed their kids off the street within minutes the Fire Brigade was on the scene as residents prepared for evacuation Gas and Electricity Engineers rushed to the area following reports of Gas smells...

The incident was first reported around 7.00pm and continued until the early hours of the morning, as electricity supplies were cut and Engineers of all descriptions scrambled to find the problem which was identified as an underground fire in, or near the drainage system which was, incidentally, alive with frogs..!
The incident prove to be confinable and nobody was hurt or evacuated..!

The Time Team Special - COMiNG SOON..!
Channel 4's Tony Robinson and the Time Team just couldn't keep away from the old "Woods/Jewsons" site and we were there to get a few more pictures thanks to our Friends -
Alice & Marian


CLICK HERE FOR THE LATEST..!

The Battle for Ely Market..!
What is Lyndsey praying for..?

Every week I visit "The Business" for my "Pig in a French Bed" and asked me ol'mate Dave..
"what is the word on the Street Dave me ol'mate..?"

DAVES CLOSE SHAVE - PICTURES ONLINE

Police act after cannabis found at school

TEACHERS at a college local - called in police after some pupils - were found with cannabis at the school
Five boys from The Witchford VC who were there to Learn
were caught red-handed with the drug last term
A 13-year-old who was with the herb - received a reprimand from police who were disturbed
Cops busted the college and spoke with principal Duffy - the Head Teacher had had enough(y)
The group was then brought before the Discipline Group - to see what further action should be approved

They said "Don't take Drugs - Don't be a Fool "... but at least
..all were allowed to remain in school..!

IN STARK CONTRAST...
Ely Community College EXPEL Kids for fighting, squabbling, rudeness, reluctance to conform, bad attitudes, dyed hair, no gym kit, wiping their nose on their sleeves, in fact, for any reason Ely Community College seem to be eager to minimise their problems with non academic kids and add to the growing number of "Slim Shady's on the Streets of Ely..?!?
CAN THIS BE CORRECT..?
< HAVE A COMMENT >

Cambridge Evening News - Wednesday, February 28, 2001

£1.4m for expansion at schools SCHOOLS and colleges in the Ely area are celebrating after being awarded more than £1.4 million to help with major expansion plans. Mepal and Witcham Primary School has received £440,000 from Cambridgeshire County Council while Ely Community College gets an extra £1 million. The work at Mepal and Witcham school will provide a new hall, kitchen and cloakroom area and headteacher Bob Turner said he was delighted to have won funding. "It will be a wonderful development and the plans certainly look good," he said. City of Ely Community College is preparing to use the extra £1 million to help build a new technology suite at the school.


VISIT THE ELY COMMUNITY COLLEGE WEBSITE HERE

VISIT THE WITCHFORD COMMUNITY COLLEGE WEBSITE HEREf
OR VISIT THE SUBERB SOHAM VC SITE @ ...

Depression hits 1,000 youngsters

DEPRESSION and other mental health problems are affecting nearly 1,000 schoolchildren in East Cambridgeshire, health workers have revealed.

The figure represents about 10 per cent of the young population and is part of a wider mental disorder problem singled out in a report on the East
Cambridgeshire health improvement strategy. The district's mental health problems, one of four priority areas highlighted for urgent action, are cited as a major cause of ill health, disability and mortality.
The cost of prescribing anti-depressants in East Cambridgeshire is an average of ?10 per head of population, and depression is believed to be
responsible for generating a high number of GP consultations. Now a joint initiative between East Cambridgeshire District Council, the
Primary Care Group and Cambridgeshire County Council aims to reduce the risk of mental illness through its "prevention is better than cure" strategy.
Mary-Clare Donovan, district council health improvement co-ordinator, said: "Whilst our local rates of depression are no worse than in other areas,
everyone wants to work towards an improvement in both the mental and physical health of the community.
"This partnership will pull together the different organisations working for improved health and hopefully encourage the community in looking after
itself through such initiatives as good neighbour schemes." The official launch of the strategy will take the form of an interactive open day to be held at the Paradise Centre in Ely on April 12.
Information and stalls will be on show to promote the health action partnership's aims of improving the quality of life for the 65,000 people
registered with seven GP practices in East Cambridgeshire.

The strategy will target four key areas over the next three years:

*Disability
*Chronic disease
*Mental health
*Accidents

During that period, action will be taken to develop a support network for carers and make 40 extra nursing home places available by next year.
Deaths from road accidents - double the national average - will be addressed through publicity campaigns, as will the problem of older people injuring
themselves in falls. "Together we can make a real difference, not only through professional intervention, but by getting individuals to help themselves," said Ms Donovan.

Donald Adey, top lib dem who is often seen cycling round town in sandals says we can't have cars driving "willy nilly" through this Mediæval City...
But does that mean we have to follow the desires of one individual..?

Not so say's Elyite Roger Ansell...
"Whatever does it take for local councillors to get it through their thick heads that they are servants of the electorate and not the masters?"
Roger goes on to say that being a councillor is a "privilege", upset the traders and the City will become a "decayed wilderness..."
"Listen to people and have the good grace to say "sorry, we got it wrong" and you might go some way to redeem yourselves..!"

BUT HANG ON THERE ROGER..!

There are many Ely people who are in FULL FAVOUR of the Traffic Ban, the majority of non traders in fact..! Many of US would like the Traffic ban PERMANENT for High Street, with access for Traders, disabled and Taxis. And while we're at it, what other City in the world would let Traffic pass within 20 feet of a Monument the caliber of Ely Cathedral..? Ay..?

CLOSE THE GALLERY TO TRAFFIC
NOW..!

My husband works in England, but we actually live in France and recently visited Ely on a flying visit back to the UK. We wanted to have a look round the cathedral, but was disgusted to find that for our daughter and ourselves would have cost in the region of £12, but that we could "go and pray" for free.

How dare the Council of Ely put themselves above the Lord and demand payment for His House? We've visited several churches and cathedrals in France, including the world renowned Notre Dame, Paris, and apart from a contribution box and the choice of purchasing a souvenir ten franc medallion, not a charge has been demanded! Surely if you must ask for payment, £1 should be a reasonable request. France seems to be able to care for all her churches, cathedrals etc without charging, what is so special about England? I was also disturbed by the intrusive nature of being told "if you wish to pray, you may do so for free" - I have never been asked my intentions in a House of God before and I sincerely hope never to be again.
Kay Kay.Howell@Wanadoo.fr


As one who once lived in ely with the american forces, my thoughts are
never far away from all of those i hold very dear whom i became friends
with and consider my family. i speak fondly of the bell family of
prickwillow, ely rd. cambs. the happiest days of my time in england were
with this fabulous family. not a day goes by that i don't think of them.
all of you should know i love ely and hope to return someday to live
forever. jon monroy, st. paul, minnesota.
ps. does anyone know colin and susie barret of pymor nr. little downham
Jon Monroy


Nice site, but you might like to mention that Etheldreda thought the tumor in her neck was a punishment for wearing necklaces in her youth...
just a thought-
Sara Humphreys Toronto, Canada -

You've probably seen movies in which a knight in armour was lifted by a winch onto his horse, so heavy was his protective covering. Or maybe you've seen the scene where Sir Somebody is knocked from his horse and can't get up without assistance.

"Poppycock," as we used to say in medieval England. Those suits of armour weighed no more than about 50 pounds and were flexible enough to permit Sir Laughalot to walk around. You wouldn't want to play squash in one, but they were not much more constricting than a business suit, the armour worn by today's corporate warriors.

Which reminds me: A couple of years ago, in a museum, I saw a knight in armour from the medieval kingdom of Bohemia, later part of the Czech Republic. Could this have been the origin of the phrase, "The Czech is in the mail?" Just a thought.

(Source: DICTIONARY OF MISINFORMATION by Tom Burnam)
Compare the price of this book, toys, electronics, gifts &
more: http://mailbits.com/free/get/ratings.as


Ely Neighbourhood Watch Information

COMING SOON..!

Jesus reads the Editors Page..!
Lord Clunch of Fen Street, Ely...

Get the "Whole Story" from down "Cauliflower Drove"


Got any real news..? tell-uncle-clunch@ely.org.uk
SINCE THE LOCAL PAPERS PRINTED QUOTES FROM LEADING LOCAL POLITICIANS ABOUT THE ELY.ORG.UK WEB POLE, THE TALLY HAS CHANGED FROM A WHOPPING 70% DOWN TO UNDER 60%..! The biggest group after those in FAVOUR OF PEDESTRIANISATION IS THOSE WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS..!
We can also reveal that so far, an unbelievable 2001 votes have been recorded..!

VOTE NOW..!
DO YOU AGREE WITH THE PEDESTRIANISATION OF ELY..?

It was the Straw Bear Festival parade last Saturday - (13th Jan) !
Ely was represented as the local womens morris dancers "Ely & Littleport Riot" were be there along with at least 26 other morris teams and many musicians and street performers. There was a good turnout of Ely people supporting the event. Whittlesea is full of pubs and chip shops and a good day wasshad by all.
The Parade started at the Ivy Leaf Club at 10-30 and after lunch continued round the other half of town until the finale at 3pm on the market place. It was easy to find the Parade by following the trail of straw in the road..!
Dancers visited most pubs on the way round and there were some good sessions in some of the pubs - The Letter 'B' was good for lunchtime - the New Crown and Old Crown had sessions running most of the day, The Bricklayers Arms was good in the Evening and being close to the railway station was dead handy to return back to Ely in time to walk quickly up the hill to the Prince Albert JUST in time for last orders.

For further information visit www.strawbear.org.uk

I Hope you didn't forget it was Plough Monday on the 8th Jan ! Did you spot the Mepal Molly Men dancing in the area. They did Ely and surrounding villages, the Red Lion in Stretham at midday, and they finished up at the Three Pickerels at Mepal around 9pm, where there was dancing & singing etc 'till closing time. Dave the Wolf Man..!

ELY FOOTBALL DERBY BETWEEN ELY CRUSADERS & ELY CITY "A"

FULL REPORT & RESULT

-------------------------------------------------------------
Eat, Drink & be Merry in Ely..? Where..?

Your either IN, or your NOT IN..!
Join the ELY Discussion List

and GET IN the SWIM..!

THE AUSTRALIAN CONNECTION

I am looking for information about James Freeman born about 1795 Isle of Ely. He was "Tried at the Old Bailey" for robbery and transported to New South Wales 1817 on board "Lord Eldon". Parents and exact birth date not known. James has many descendants in Australia who would like to find out more about his parents and family.
Glynis Cummins

We did enjoy our visit to Ely in September. Our friends put on a wonderful Christmas for us with all the trimmings. On the down side, I couldn't bear to look at Fore Hill. When I used to live in Ely in the early 60's, Fore Hill was a bustling little shopping precinct. There was Home and Colonial, The International, Cross's wonderful coffee shop and many others which made shopping on Fore Hill a pleasure. It is now a rather deserted place and very run down. My brother and I have tossed around the idea of reopening Cross's. What do you reckon? We come over often enough to keep an eye on it. (sounds to me like my brother and I are trying to recapture our childhood). What I really contacted you for was to know why I never get any info' from the Ely Discussion lot. Any idea why. I many be 13,000 miles away but I still like to know what is going on.

Bye for now Sylvia Wacker Brisbane Australia
ntl: has announced that Ely is now CABLE READY..!
We'll all be saying it was worth the hassle then...!

Recent Story & Picture..!

If you want in phone ntl: on 0500 500 500

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason you would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT" but then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.

9. The airbag system would ask "are you sure?" before deploying.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (Now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target
for investigation by the Justice Dept.

12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

It's Caption time again..!
Think of a witty caption for the frog picture and win a bucket of frog Spawn..!
Here is your starter for 10


Oh no not again..!
I tell you, you've got to 'ave eyes in the back of your 'ead this time of year..!

frogcaption@ely.org.uk

Hi Eleanor. BBC. Say no more..! Hi. Don't laugh. Kim here...yeah, yeah, yeah, Boy named Sue, I know. I went to the Pennines you know..! Yep. Johnny Swith & Collie Author...Johnny.! Watch Out for my NEW BOOK, available soon through Vanity Publishing..! CAm here. Executive Editor of the Cambridge Evening News. Lovely Party..! Yes. It's me, Al Kitching. Up & coming Internet Author & ALL Round Good Guy..! Hail Citizens. Dave the Wolf. President Elect of the Ely Folk Club..! I'm with Stupid too..! Hi. No introduction needed ay..? Yes it me Lee Gillett, Editor of Ely OnLine & future Mayor of Ely..! I'm with Stupid..! Hi. I want to remain anonimous as I work for The Observer..! Hello...My name is Chris and I hail from SOHAM..! TOSSER TIME http://tv.lycos.com/animation/mondomedia/tof

Sure, the Oscars are fun. But they lack that certain verve that makes the boss's face turn bright red. Fortunately, the 2nd Annual Tossers Nominations are in full effect. Categories include Biggest Evil Bastard and Biggest Piece of Overblown Hollywood Wank, so you can be sure it's more fun than worrying about who's wearing what on the red carpet. Vote today to make sure your picks get the Tossers trophy on Monday, March 26 on LycosTV.
Apparently...
There are seven sins in the world:

Wealth without work.
Pleasure without conscience.
Knowledge without character.
Commerce without morality.
Science without humanity.
Worship without sacrifice.
And Politics without principle.

M. Gandhi